An Akbari commentary on Music and Me by Fakemink

Ok is the hardest, I swear to God

The producer tag, irrelevant to the commentary

We gone be okay

Again, another producer tag irrelevant to the commentary; although an interesting point could be made referencing this line to the ultimate and all-encompassing ‘Rahma’ of God. However, I do not find this worth commenting on further 

I'm like, "where you at? Can't see you, I need you now"

This references back to the fallen state of Man (2:30-2:39, 7:22-7:24). In this state, man wanders the Earth, lost and confused, "Where you at?" being a reference to the divine and mans severedness from it. "Can't see you,” alludes to the veiling of the heart from the divine, experienced necessarily on an ontological level due to said fall. The eyes and the heart are inextricably linked in Islam such as in verse 22:46 so the “see” referenced here is the seeing done by the heart, the object of this being the divine. "I need you now" is a longing for mans inevitable return and union with the divine experienced through the divine wrath or collapse of individuality or differentiation; perceived as that individuality may be.

You do it so right, dare to teach me how

For one without gnosis, this may seem to be to the writer's female partner when in reference to sexual intercourse. This, of course, would mean Fakemink is asking the partner to teach him from the passive object of sex rather than from the active participle. The real meaning is in reference to either the great sheikhs or His Eminence, the Apostle of God, Himself. It could not be directly to the divine as the divine doing is not something intelligible to us. Man himself being the object of this doing rather than the receptacle. However, that being said, this could be a request for reintegration with the divine, being this teaching. Of the sheikh or the apostle, I am not sure which Fakemink is referring to. Due to the use of the word “dare”, I am inclined to regard it as being the Apostle of God, indicating a sense of audacity in the request, the object of the teaching being presumptuous to seek.

You talk about a feelin', I feel it now.

In this line, Fakemink is addressing the Sufis and sheikhs of the world. “They talk about a feelin'” of course being the ‘dhawq’ of gnosis. Fakemink then say “I feel it now”, which could be in response to his initial request for teaching, resulting in this dhawq experienced by him. However, the “talk about” could carry a decreased reverential edge and actually carry a slight implication of referencing those who speak of gnosis having never tasted it.

Look back if I could, but I'm not allowed 

This line has many potential explanations through it's many wisdoms. The first and most explicit (dhahiris) of these being the inability to look back at sin and shaytan upon receiving the teaching. One becomes “not allowed” to “look back” at their previous ways the first reason being that it's at the most obvious level haram, the other being that the person is literally unable to upon coming to the realisation that there is none but the divine. This highest level of tajalli also rendering previous self disclosures inferior or of a lesser order. By previous I mean ontologically and this ontological order of tajalli also happens to express itself in somewhat the same order chronologically, similar to the Hegelian idea of the development of philosophy. To further add to my initial point, shaytan himself was the first primordial example of the looking back through his refusal in looking towards Adam as a new and higher order tajalli. Fakemink flips this into submission to the divine rather than being suspended in a lower order tajalli like shaytan was.

Repetition of previous 4 lines

This is done for artistic or musical purposes.

I'm crazy and I'm nervous and I'm sweatin’ and I'm blushin’

There is wisdom in looking at this holistically and then in it's 4 parts. If we look holistically then this line is a representation of the plurality and manifold infinitude of the human experience and the cosmos as an expression of the divine breath. The rapidness of the line points towards the ephemeral nature of man before his reintegration. The line starts with “crazy”, alluding to the state of man before dhawq but also to the state of man upon dhawq but from the lense of society. The “nervous” points to both the state once he realises the significance of what has happened but also from the other reading of what happens upon coming to the realisation that there is actually something wrong with the ‘craziness’ of society; being those without gnosis. The “sweatin’” being at the same time the condition of man during the deliverance of gnosis but also from the other angle of man going through the efforts of self purification. The final “blushin’” is man upon receiving gnosis and also upon purification of the heart. Here blush implies both an overwhelming and a kind of  intimacy, the self becoming aware of being seen. The moment of mutual witnessing between the divine and the insaan Al Kamil.

Think I'm doin’ it for somethin’, but I'm doin’ it for nothin’

This again carries the same dual reading present in the previous line. The first being the realisation that the way man is or was living his life is actually for nothing when looking past the material. Man is in spiritual poverty. The second more esoteric reading is upon the collapse of the ‘I’ or the ego man becomes aware of his nothingness so to say. Infact, there is no “somethin'” because the divine is the only wujud. Through this man becomes aware of the oneness of being, establishing all else outside of the reality as actually “nothin’”.

The look on her face, tears runnin’

From the most explicit reading, this refers to Fakeminks partner who is upset at him. But if we look deeper we can see two more readings, one more esoteric than the other. The first could be the nafs being referred to as “her”. The “tears runnin’” coming as a result of ‘her’ annihilation and purification. The tears being the last expression of individuated selfhood before reintegration. The more esoteric reading is that the “her” is referring to the divine itself, the “tears” being the divine overflowing of the Rahman upon the moment of recognition and return.

Don't know what to say, but you still say somethin’

Following from the tears of the nafs, the purified self finds itself beyond ordinary articulation and yet still producing expression, finding itself in a state of bewilderment.

Feel alive when you do what you're not allowed

The nafs, now in a reflective stage, looks back on not only itself but the actions of society at large. The “feel alive” being a false sense of happiness or fulfillment found from not only engaging in forbidden or haram things but also from being in a state of ignorance as regarding Al Haqq. The word “alive” being especially pertinent since true life is only derived from Al Hayy and being cognisant of this renders the false sense of being alive as nothing more than an illusory feeling 

But you should know, this isn't what life ‘bout

Fakemink now sees himself as a vessel for spiritual teaching, transmitting what he's learned. Following from the previous line, Fakemink begins “but you should know”. Had the people he was addressing been aware of the truth then the subject “you” would have been omitted, in mutual recognition of the annihilation of the subjecthood as such. Following from this, the line takes a twofold meaning. “This isn't what life ‘bout” being in reference to a life full of sin, but also to a false duality between life and Al Hayy. Life itself being not about the ‘I’ but the whole.

I’ma die before I ever cry out 

At the most explicit level, this can be read as a show of resolve or stoicism, but we can look past this to discover the esoteric wisdom in this line. “I’ma die” here carries a sense of will, that Fakemink will voluntarily die. This is ‘fana’ as a conscious undertaking, linking back to the prophetic tradition of “die before you die”. Linking this back to the previous line where Fakemink establishes himself as a vessel, here he makes a vow of complete subordination of personal subjecthood as the condition of that transmission’s authority. One cannot transmit from Al Haqq while the nafs cries out on its own behalf. The silence of the nafs is the precondition of the divine speech; echoing the paradox established in “don't know what to say but you still stay somethin’”. True expression emerges only from beyond the reach of individuated articulation.

And I'ma get struck down if I'm a liar

In complete recognition of and subordination to Reality as the Truth, fakemink is left ontologically unable to lie. This is expressed with him being “struck down” if he does due to the gravity of the object of this hypothetical lie. Reading this together with the previous line forms a complete couplet of vows; the first being the vow of fana over the assertion of the nafs, the second being the vow of Truth over falsehood. These are the negative and positive expressions of the same stations. The extinguishing of oneself and the unwavering establishment of what remains. A further point to be made about the usage of “struck down” is that a lie at this station is not just a moral lapse in character but a collapse back into the false duality and illusory existence. The punishment therefore fits not a moral crime but an ontological betrayal.

Hot headed, leaf burnt, playin’ with fire

This line is best understood as a triptych of states rather than a simple list of images, each carrying both an exoteric and esoteric dimension. At the most explicit level this can be read as a description of temperamental volatility and self destructive behaviour. This is, however, the least significant of its meanings. “Hot headed” is the condition of the nafs Al ammara in its unreformed state, the fire of the lower self burning without discipline or direction. This connects back to the earlier “feel alive when you do what you're not allowed”, the heat of the nafs mistaking its own burning for vitality. “Leaf burnt” is the pivotal image of the three. The leaf is simultaneously the most beautiful and most perishable of natural forms; ephemeral, delicate and entirely at the mercy of what surrounds it. Its burning is not purely destructive but transformative, the consumed leaf being an image of the nafs undergoing the annihilation gestured toward in “I'ma die before I ever cry out”. There is also within this image a recognition of the absolute disproportion between the nafs and the fire of the divine Jalal. The leaf does not negotiate with the fire, it is simply consumed by it. “Playin’ with fire” then is not recklessness but the conscious and deliberate engagement with the divine Jalal. The word “playin’” carries with it a lightness that paradoxically elevates rather than diminishes the image. It suggests a familiarity with the fire. Read as a complete sequence, the three images mirror the arc of the song itself.

Would you ever trade your life for desire?

Exoterically, this line can be seen as a simple question asking whether one would trade the life of the hereafter for the desires of the nafs. However when we look esoterically we see the question actually becomes inverted, the desire itself actually being desire for unity with The Truth in other words ‘shawq’. So in this case “trade your life” refers to the annihilation of the self required for the fulfillment of this desire. Read in this way, the line becomes a confirmation of what has already been enacted across the song. This line is then repeated again, indicating that the nafs which has already been destroyed is now unable to answer.

Would you ever -, uh

Finally this line is the ultimate acknowledging of wahdat Al wujud or the unity of being. The line itself prematurely ends, indicating the collapse of the subject object distinction and such any duality itself. There being no subject, Fakemink is unable to finish the line. This line, like the previous, is repeated however I believe this is for musical purposes.